Dying Every Day

One of my many frustrations in life stems from the undeniable fact that I am not perfect. It really, really bothers me that I'm not perfect. Not because I think that I am naturally without fault- my frustration lies in my inability to control my sinful nature. Somewhere in my life I developed the idea that I should be strong enough, wise enough, good enough, to not sin. Which is ridiculous, obviously, yet I still somehow think I should be able to resist sinning, if only I was determined enough. It's a pride thing.

I oftentimes feel like a fool, running to God, eager to repent and absolve myself of whatever sinful action or attitude I've given in to at the time, positive that I'll never fall prey to it again- only to find myself doing it again! But I prayed! I repented! I acknowledged my sin! How could I have gone back to it? Why did God ALLOW me to go back to it?

It finally occurred to me that holiness requires not just a one time death to self at the time of salvation- it requires daily death to self. I was foolishly assuming that by acknowledging my sin once, I could, of my own power, not fall into it again. Or that by giving my life over to God once I could sufficiently take it from there and live a holy life. WRONG. I have to daily die to my sinful nature. Sometimes twice a day! Galatians 5:24 says "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires." I must choose every morning to live not by my fallen human nature but by the Spirit, and willingly acknowledge and sacrifice the evil that lives in me EVERY DAY. I can't do it by myself. I must constantly fall upon our Saviour for grace and the strength to live by the Spirit, holy and pleasing to God.